WARNING: this article may not be easy for you to read. Contained is advice to pet owners, on dealing with replaying horrific events, and tragedies that took their pets lives. No specific details are given. But this may trigger your own horrific replaying of tragic events. The advice can be very helpful. But be in the right “head-space” to read further. You may want to skip the BACKSTORY and start reading from ADVICE.
BACKSTORY:
I’ve had a friend and just recently a client, lose their small dogs, through being killed by other dogs. My friend came home to a bloody crime scene. My client witnessed the mauling by her neighbor’s loose dog. I buried my friend’s dog, in my yard, with other deceased pets: my two dogs that died of old age, my rat that died of old age, and my cat that had a bad euthanasia.
Though I didn’t witness the death of my friend’s dog, in particular, I saw the horrific injuries to his lifeless body. She also described the room to me, with details of blood and excrement. I, unfortunately, could then create a detail-oriented picture, of his last terrifying moments of life. It haunted me.
In response to the struggle of my clients suffering over the recent loss of her Maltese, I offered this:
ADVICE:
We can replay horrific images in our heads, over and over again. Even If I haven’t witnessed a horrific event, I can create all the details that I DIDNT see, in my brain. I invent them. Awful.
Letting go of these images is not an easy task.
First I’ll tell you, IT WILL POP UP IN YOUR BRAIN. Initially, it may happen many times daily, or you’ll have difficulty thinking about anything else in your “spare-time.” It does get less over time, but for me- never goes away. Stay busy. When the thoughts come up, at least turn on the TV to a funny sitcom to distract you. Start singing a song in your head or out loud. Dance. Clean. (Cleaning doesn’t always work for me- my mind wanders while I clean)
When the negative and nightmarish scenes pop up… shut them down, don’t replay that movie in your head. There’s a difference between processing your emotions of grief, guilt and loss, vs subjecting yourself to the same repetitive horrific images- which is self-abuse in my opinion.
Guilt for me is the one that keeps me attached to horrible images. It’s like I want to punish myself. This emotion is the one I most need to get passed. This is the only thing I’ve found, to let myself off the hook with emotions of guilt :
Think about your immense love and care for your pet. Think about how you’d NEVER want him/her to suffer ongoing. Then remember this:
As much as you’d want to relieve your Pet from his/her suffering, he/she wants this for you. If you want him/her to be able to Rest In Peace, you need to not let him/her worry about you now.
This is important EVEN IF YOU CAN THINK OF 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY. You take these 10 things as valuable lessons learned. You promise your pet you’ll add these 10 things into the care of any future dogs, so as his/her death is not in vain.
Then FORGIVE YOURSELF. Even if there are again 10 things you could have done differently. Knowing you could have done it differently, CERTAINLY doesn’t mean you wanted this tragedy to happen to your pet, or were callous as to whether or not it did or didn’t happen. We all know you didn’t want this to happen. Your pet knows this too.
Talk to your pet. Apologize, AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. Do this several times a day if you have to.
Then reminisce w him/her, over happy times. If you want your pet to let go of his horror, you can’t keep it alive in your memories.
I pick a cloud to talk to. I swear to god- the cloud ALWAYS changes to take the form of my lost pet. Maybe I only see what I need or want to see. But seeing it relieves me This helps me know for sure, that my pet now has peace. HOLD ONTO THIS.
See him/her at peace, frolicking in a grassy meadow in “heaven” Conjure images you’ve never seen before, of him/her in a happy peaceful place. Think these thoughts, every-tine you struggle to shut down that bad movie- and it won’t quit. I envision a paralyzed dog I had, running. That’s also the time to ask for forgiveness (I do that first, then end on the picture of frolic and peace)
Only imagine him/her in the state you want for him/her now. Don’t let him/her “live on” in your memories, in that bad movie. AND, say to yourself, this is not currently happening, it’s just a bad movie from the past”
It only stays as a current event, if you keep reliving it. For him/her and for you. Let it go.
Writing may be helpful, or drawing if you can’t connect w his/her image in a new way, through thoughts or speaking to him/her. Write him/her a letter… draw him/her in heaven at peace… or tell a confidant.
YOU HAVE PERMISSION to let this go.
❌⭕️, JILL